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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26529181">all dressed up for a hit &amp; run</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/featherx/pseuds/featherx'>featherx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:27:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,908</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26529181</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/featherx/pseuds/featherx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s a perfectly normal day. Yuri is minding his own business in his dorm, trying to get some work done before the weekend runs away from him. He’d opened the window earlier to get some fresh air in, but a fly had flown in instead, buzzing around in the room and generally making a nuisance of itself. Yuri makes the mistake of muttering, “Fuck,” when it comes too close to his ear.</p><p>Then Byleth kicks the door down and aims a gun at a fucking <i>fruit fly.</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc/My Unit | Byleth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>all dressed up for a hit &amp; run</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonair/gifts">dragonair</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>1st place for my fiv giveaway! prompt: yurileth modern bodyguard AU, ft. claude and the ashen wolves. the plot kind of got away from me a bit whoops. theyre also in college but its barely mentioned<br/>title from <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/5NyA9sbbbRbjBeoJqFw1th?si=ls6ZCqpFRXCQYDcrxc2gUA">hit &amp; run - LOLO</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a perfectly normal day. Yuri is minding his own business in his dorm, trying to get some work done before the weekend runs away from him. He’d opened the window earlier to get some fresh air in, but a fly had flown in instead, buzzing around in the room and generally making a nuisance of itself. Yuri makes the mistake of muttering, “Fuck,” when it comes too close to his ear.</p><p>Then Byleth kicks the door down and aims a gun at a fucking <em>fruit fly.</em></p><p>Yuri thinks the worst part about all this is that it’s still a perfectly normal day.</p><p>“What the hell!” Yuri shouts, waving the fly away. Maybe it feels properly threatened now that the most dangerous weapon in the room is no longer just Yuri’s hand but a fucking <em>gun,</em> because it zips out the open window and doesn’t return. “Byleth, put the damn gun down!”</p><p>Byleth looks disappointed. “Are you hurt anywhere?”</p><p>“Why would I be hurt—it was a <em>fly,</em> for the love of God.”</p><p>“Oh. Okay.” Byleth shoves his gun back in its holster, thank fuck. “I heard you swearing, so I thought someone may have gotten inside through the window and tried to kill you. If you insist on keeping it open, maybe try installing a trip wire.”</p><p>Yuri wants to shove this man’s head down a toilet, but in, like, a friendly way. Earlier on in their acquaintanceship Yuri may have meant that in a more serious way. “Okay, seriously? I’m starting to think you’re a better fit for the mafia than I am.”</p><p>For some Godforsaken reason, Byleth blushes like he took that as a <em>compliment.</em></p><p> </p><p>Starting his own little gang to earn more money had gone well. Dealing with his new bodyguard? Not so much.</p><p>“You worry <em>way</em> too much,” Yuri had said, when Aelfric brought the topic up. At the time all Aelfric had really said was that Yuri needed a bodyguard in case anything happened, like the possibility of turf wars or Yuri pissing off the gang leader of a nearby group and having assassins out for his neck. “I’ve already planned contingencies for those situations. Seriously, you think the rest of my members are just there for show? I don’t need a <em>bodyguard,</em> for Christ’s sake.”</p><p>Aelfric cleared his throat. “I must have worded myself poorly earlier. I’m not giving you a choice on the matter.”</p><p>“I—what.”</p><p>“I’ve already hired the best man Jeralt has. You’re to meet him tomorrow morning.”</p><p>Yuri wasn’t sure which part he was more horrified about: the fact that he apparently already had a bodyguard, or that he had to get up in the <em>morning.</em></p><p>Byleth Eisner was… a little underwhelming, at first glance. Yuri had paced the length of his dorm room that night and shared theories with Balthus, his roommate, as to what sort of person this bodyguard might be, and they had eventually come to the conclusion that ‘best man’ probably meant ‘biggest man.’ As it is, Byleth’s just barely taller than Yuri, and his entire existence leaves much to be desired. Yuri had—and still has—a feeling Hapi could snap those forearms in half, for one. Considering he’s just a philosophy teacher, Aelfric doesn’t have enough power to enroll Byleth in the middle of the academic year, so he’s rooming with Claude in the dorm next door instead, which was Aelfric’s smartest move—Claude hides secrets as well as Yuri hides bodies.</p><p>In any case, it was honestly terrible for the first few weeks. Byleth trailed Yuri around everywhere like a lost puppy, and when Yuri finally snapped at him to leave him alone, Byleth just took to following him from the shadows, which was a million times more nerve-wracking than it should have been, considering Yuri is an expert at sneaking around but he never caught sight of Byleth once throughout those days. Even worse, Byleth accompanied them to meetings as well, standing silent and stoic by Yuri’s side like the most unwanted Tall, Dark, &amp; Handsome guy in existence; every time he was there Yuri had to speak in code, which was tiring enough to create and even more tiring to use on the daily.</p><p>But… well, eventually, Yuri supposes he simply got used to the other man. He’s got his eccentricities like the rest of them, and he can be a little difficult to deal with, but Byleth’s not so bad in the end, really. Once he understood Yuri’s hard limits, they’ve gotten along much better.</p><p>…Hard limits? What the hell is Yuri saying—anyway.</p><p>“It’s possible their leader’s onto us, so I need all of you on your guard tomorrow,” Yuri instructs. Hapi looks close to dozing off, so Yuri raps his knuckles against the table in an effort to wake her up. “If you get in a scuffle, what do you do?”</p><p>“Aim for the windpipe.”</p><p>“Correct—” Yuri whirls around and swats Byleth’s arm. “Not <em>you!</em>”</p><p>Byleth frowns, rubbing his arm. “But that <em>is</em> what you should always do when trying to avoid detection.”</p><p>“Yes, I know, I’m making sure <em>they</em> remember.” He glares out at the other three: Balthus is staring out the window, Constance looks like she’s working on her homework, and Hapi is definitely asleep now. “<em>You guys.</em> Have you been paying attention <em>at all?</em>”</p><p>“Aim for the windpipe,” Hapi repeats tonelessly.</p><p>What the hell? Is she sleeptalking? Well, Yuri will take it. “Ugh, fine. Just know that if any of you get yourselves caught tomorrow, don’t come crying to me,” he huffs. That’s a lie—he’ll drop the entire mission if any of them get injured—but they don’t need to know that, although he has a feeling they do. “Okay, get some sleep. We need to be well-rested tomorrow if we want to keep our wits about us. Dismissed!”</p><p>They trudge off to their dorms, Hapi and Constance together and Balthus ahead of Yuri while Yuri cleans up in the unused classroom they use as their meeting venue. He’d personally dismantled the security cameras that had been in here, so he knows it’s safe. Byleth watches in the corner, empty stare as unnerving as ever. “Hey,” Yuri says, a little awkwardly. “Are you just gonna stand there all night? You should go too.”</p><p>“I’m going with you tomorrow.” Byleth tilts his head. “Aren’t I?”</p><p>“I thought we talked about this,” Yuri sighs, shoving his laptop back in his bag. “You can stay somewhere nearby if you want, but I can’t afford to have you following us around. You’re not part of the gang, and I don’t want anyone who isn’t to get involved in our business.”</p><p>In truth, that’s only one reason Yuri wants to keep Byleth away—the other is that he’s more than a little paranoid he isn’t working as Yuri’s bodyguard at all, but as Aelfric’s spy. Yuri had long struck a deal with the man that he’d help cover up their gang activity from the school if they ever got caught somehow, but in return Yuri has to share part of their earnings with him too, the old snake. And while it <em>looks</em> like a fairly decent partnership, Yuri can’t help but wonder if Aelfric’s planning something else, and that Byleth functions as his eyes in places he can’t observe Yuri in.</p><p>Yuri sighs and shakes the thought away—whatever Byleth is, there’s no use worrying about it now when he doesn’t even have any solid evidence against either him or Aelfric, aside from his gut feeling. “Understand?”</p><p>Byleth frowns. “But… Are you sure?”</p><p>“Byleth, you know you’ve done this, like, five times already, right? And each time it’s turned out fine. I appreciate the concern,” Yuri adds, hoping to soften the rejection a little, “but it really isn’t necessary.”</p><p>Byleth shifts uncomfortably, gaze downcast. “I just want you to be safe.”</p><p>Does he <em>have</em> to sound like that? If Yuri were a lesser man, his heart would skip a beat, and the way Byleth sounds so <em>sincere</em> really doesn’t help. He clears his throat and does his best to tamp down the heat creeping up his neck. “And I will be, if you just stay out of trouble.”</p><p>“Okay,” Byleth finally agrees, but judging by the uncertain look on his face, Yuri knows this isn’t going to be the last time they have this conversation.</p><p> </p><p>Their mission is to infiltrate a rival gang’s headquarters, steal as much as they can, and then hightail it out of there before anyone notices. It would have been child’s play if Yuri hadn’t been careless and let himself get seen sulking around nearby the other day when he had been scouting out the warehouse and trying to make a mental map for them; as it is, it’s a little more difficult with the heightened security.</p><p>Still, they’re not a gang for nothing. Balthus takes out the guards stationed at the back door, and then the four of them split up to search the place. It’s sizeable, but not big, and Constance had discovered the locations they keep their treasures in a week ago. Annoyingly enough, Yuri <em>does</em> feel safer knowing Byleth is just around the corner of the street across the warehouse, waiting in their getaway car and ready to drive off at a moment’s notice.</p><p>Unfortunately, he wasn’t expecting to run into, of all people, <em>Aelfric.</em></p><p>“Oh, wow,” Yuri says, sliding out the knife from his back pocket. He doesn’t point it at Aelfric, not yet, but only because he doesn’t want him to see it. “I should’ve known. I should’ve seen this from the <em>fucking</em> start.”</p><p>Aelfric steps forward. They’re in one of the warehouse’s treasuries, and that just makes Yuri even <em>angrier,</em> because he should have known they’d received that information too easily, he should’ve known the lack of guards he ran into wasn’t good luck. “Now, Yuri—”</p><p>Yuri lets him see the knife. “Not another fucking step!”</p><p>Aelfric puts his hands up placatingly, but Yuri hardly believes that means he’s unarmed. “If you don’t want your friends to get hurt, you’ll listen to me very closely.”</p><p>“My—” Yuri hesitates. “You asshole. This was a trap.”</p><p>He nods, surprisingly enough. At least Aelfric is honest <em>now.</em> “They’re restrained, but not injured. Unless, of course, you go against me, in which case my friends are going to take action.” Slowly Aelfric pulls out his phone from his pocket and displays a photo on the screen—Yuri squints at it, but even from just vague blurs and colors he knows what he’s seeing. Balthus, Constance, and Hapi are unconscious and tied together, leaning against a pile of crates that Yuri remembers seeing in the headquarters of a gang in the next city over.</p><p>Yuri steps back. It’s possible the image had been edited <em>very</em> well, but he’s not about to take that risk. Besides, he’d tried messaging all three of them earlier to confirm their statuses, but none of them had replied. “What do you want?” he grinds out.</p><p>“Nothing much.” Aelfric pockets his phone. “The only thing you’ve kept from me so far is where you store all your earnings. Get everything to me by three days’ time, midnight on the final day, in the place you saw in that photo, and I’ll let them go. Easy, isn’t it?” He smiles, then, a terrifying thing.</p><p>All his earnings? That’s pretty much exactly what Yuri had been expecting, and though it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, some money isn’t more important to him than the lives of his friends. Surely Aelfric is looking for something more from this exchange… or maybe it’s a trap, and he’ll kill all four of them anyway as soon as Yuri gets him the cash? “Sounds a little <em>too</em> easy,” Yuri taunts, hoping to bait some more information out of him. “Sure you don’t want some fries with that?”</p><p>Aelfric’s smile grows. “I’m glad you asked. Along with the money, I want you to work for me.”</p><p>Yuri feels his stomach drop. “What?”</p><p>“You have enormous potential within you, I can tell,” Aelfric says, like that isn’t creepy at all or anything. “I’ve been researching on some taboo topics, studying magic, reading on contracts with demons… it’s all very expensive work. And I think you’d be excellent in helping me with the job.”</p><p>“Okay, first of all, I do not want to know why you are doing that,” Yuri says, just in case Aelfric feels like oversharing. “And second of all, what would I even—”</p><p>“I’m not here to answer your questions, only ask my own.” Aelfric spreads his arms. “Do we have a deal, Yuri? Your friends for your loyalty?”</p><p>Yuri is this close to popping a vein from anger. Aelfric definitely isn’t telling him everything about whatever job he’s offering—well, forcing onto, to be accurate—him, but he can’t just leave Balthus, Constance, and Hapi to die. Anyway, he can always earn the money back, and he can probably slip out of Aelfric’s hold afterwards, as long as he plays his cards right. “Fine,” he agrees, feeling like he’s just signed one of those demonic contracts Aelfric had mentioned. “Three days, midnight.”</p><p>Aelfric smiles again. “I’m glad we had this talk.”</p><p>He almost sounds like his normal, philosophy-professor self. Yuri turns on his heel and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.</p><p>“Where are the others?” Byleth asks, when Yuri drops into the passenger seat.</p><p>“Don’t fucking talk to me.”</p><p>“I—what?” Byleth blinks, looking genuinely confused and hurt. Why is <em>he</em> the one getting hurt here, when Yuri had just been betrayed by one of his allies, damn it? “Are you alright? Did the mission fail?”</p><p>“<em>You,</em>” Yuri snarls, jabbing a finger at Byleth’s throat, “shut up. Aelfric made you watch me, didn’t he? Made sure everything went according to plan for him? Just shut up and drive already. I don’t want to look at your face.” He punctuates that by crossing his arms and staring straight ahead, glaring daggers at the windshield like a petulant child. And who can blame <em>him?</em> His friends are kidnapped, his bodyguard was a spy, and his ally is some kind of demon fanatic or whatever the fuck. Yuri’s allowed to be furious.</p><p>“I—” Byleth swallows, thickly, and when Yuri glances at him in his peripheral, he looks like he’s straight up about to cry, which of course only makes Yuri more uncomfortable. Byleth must’ve known what he was getting into, so why feel guilty now? “Okay,” Byleth eventually says, sad and soft, and begins to back out of the parking space.</p><p>Yuri stares out the window the whole way back.</p><p> </p><p>To his utter confusion, Byleth doesn’t leave to meet up with Aelfric or return to Jeralt once they get back to campus; he just heads over to Claude’s dorm room, like nothing’s wrong and he’s not part of what’s just thrown Yuri’s life into disarray.</p><p>But Yuri doesn’t have time to dwell on that—he’ll spend the rest of today packing and getting things ready, and then he’ll have to plan his course of action for the meeting with Aelfric. He can’t just go there without <em>something</em> in mind—maybe he can cut Aelfric in the throat once he’s let his guard down, so probably as soon as he gets his grubby, greedy little hands on the money. But then what if there are other people in the room, like the gang members Aelfric’s doubtless allied himself with? Yuri can’t think of anyone else he can get backup from. Byleth is obviously out of the picture…</p><p>Someone knocks on the door. Yuri’s tempted to pretend he’s asleep, but whoever it is had probably heard him pacing the room, so he gives in and asks, “Who is it?”</p><p>“Who do you think?”</p><p>Yuri groans. “What the hell do you want right now?”</p><p>“Well, it’s kinda hard to focus on my work when your little puppy won’t stop sulking in the corner of my room,” Claude says. His voice comes through muffled from the door, but Yuri can tell he sounds long-suffering. “Can’t you go do something about him? Why’d you fight anyway?”</p><p>Talking through a door is more trouble than it’s worth. Yuri stalks over and flings it open, glaring at Claude’s irritated expression. “We didn’t <em>fight.</em> He played me for an idiot and now I bet he’s just trying to make me feel guilty about telling him to fuck off. Why’s he even still here anyway? He should be crawling back to that rat Aelfric’s side and protecting <em>him.</em>”</p><p>Claude blinks slowly. “Uh, don’t know if you’re aware, but I have no idea what you’re talking about. Is this, like, gang stuff? The stuff you’re always telling me to quit sticking my nose in?”</p><p>“Can you just tell him—”</p><p>“Don’t make me play the messenger now. Anything you have to say, you can say it yourself.” Claude takes the few steps towards his own dorm, swinging it open and giving Yuri a look. “Well? What’re you waiting for?”</p><p>Yuri wants to tear all his hair out. As it is, he settles for making his way over to Claude’s room—it’s as messy as ever, cluttered with various books and papers and other assorted items Yuri has to keep himself from being surprised by, like the knife set hanging on the wall. There’s some sort of weird smell hanging over the room, and Yuri wrinkles his nose—definitely the remnant of one of Claude’s experiments again. Science kids, he swears.</p><p>Byleth himself is, as promised, sitting in the fetal position on the far corner of the room, wrapped up in a blanket with bunny patterns. “Hey, By,” Claude says, dropping back down onto his chair by a study desk. “Yuri’s here. Maybe you two can… I don’t know. Talk.”</p><p>Ugh. Yuri <em>hates</em> communication, especially if he doesn’t even see the need for it right now. What does Byleth even expect from him after stabbing him in the back? “Look, I don’t know why you’re still here,” Yuri says, doing his best to keep his voice steady and at room volume, “but I don’t want you around after what you and Aelfric did to us. Get out of my sight before I do it myself.”</p><p>Byleth looks up at him, and the look on his face is downright pitiful. Yuri almost, <em>almost</em> feels bad about it. “I didn’t do anything,” he mumbles. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Aelfric only told me to protect you, so that’s what I did.” Then his face softens into something that looks almost like concern. “What happened? What did he do to you?”</p><p>“I…” Yuri stares at him. How is this possible? He can’t detect a hint of a lie in Byleth’s person, and Yuri’s grown up around liars. Did Aelfric possibly hire Byleth not to be his spy, but to keep Yuri safe from rivaling gangs so that he could… earn more money that way, when this day came? “Oh, that sneaky bitch,” he hisses, for possibly the fifth time within the past few hours. “I should’ve known. He really fucking accounted for everything.”</p><p>Now Byleth just looks confused. He stands up, blanket slipping off his shoulders a little. “Can you explain what happened now?”</p><p>Yuri does so, trying not to look too embarrassed about the fact that he’d assumed Byleth had been in league with Aelfric from the start; now that he thinks about it, Byleth really isn’t a great liar, and he doesn’t seem like the sort of person to do that anyway. In any case, both Byleth and Claude listen raptly—Yuri gives up on trying to kick Claude out of his own room—and when Yuri’s done, Byleth hums thoughtfully while Claude leans back against his seat, arms crossed over his chest. “Never thought Professor Aelfric would do that,” he muses aloud. “Always seemed like too much of a softie, really.”</p><p>“Softie—” Yuri scoffs. “Yeah, he <em>definitely</em> acted the part. I don’t really give a shit about giving him the money, ‘cause it’s not like I can’t just get myself some more, but I’m more worried about him turning on his word and hurting us all anyway. So…” He shrugs. “What do you think? Open to suggestions right now.” It’s like an open forum for murder ideas. Yuri could get used to this, actually.</p><p>Byleth raises his hand like he’s in class. “I could kill him.”</p><p>Yuri stares at him. “Should you be doing that to your employer?”</p><p>“Strictly speaking, you’re my employer now. I never mentioned it, but he stopped paying me a short while ago and I didn’t want to bother him,” Byleth says. “So the money you give me every week is my paycheck.”</p><p>“The money I give you—you mean your <em>milk money?</em>”</p><p>Byleth nods. Yuri can’t help but stare at him. This guy had essentially worked for free for what amounts to around a dollar or two every week, the money Yuri would hand over for him to buy some milk with, since Byleth always seems to be craving some and Yuri likes having Byleth out of their hair for a few seconds, usually long enough to disclose some secret, important information he can’t risk letting anyone outside of the other Ashen Wolves know. And that dollar-or-two had been his <em>paycheck.</em> “Why didn’t you just quit?”</p><p>“I want to keep you safe.”</p><p>He sounds so serious that Yuri can’t even respond to that, shocked into silence—Byleth’s said the same thing a few times before, but Yuri had always just brushed it off, because <em>of course</em> he’d want to keep Yuri safe, it’s his <em>job.</em> But, well, now… now, for some reason, the words have blood rushing up to Yuri’s cheeks. Is Byleth like this with all his clients? Yuri doubts it.</p><p>At the side, Claude lets out a bored sigh. “If you two are gonna act like this, mind bringing it to your own room, Yuri? I got better things to do than watch some B-grade romance movie.”</p><p>“T-This—shut up!” Yuri snaps. “What are those ‘better things’ anyway? Go around poisoning people?”</p><p>“It’s not <em>poisoning,</em> they <em>agreed</em> to be test subjects.”</p><p>“So you poisoned them.” Yuri starts pacing back and forth again, although it’s marginally harder than it was in his room, considering the floor isn’t safe from Claude’s mess. Seriously, if he could just get…</p><p>Wait a minute.</p><p>“I got it!” Yuri exclaims, whirling around to face the both of them. Claude blinks up at him, still looking miffed about being called out on his poisoning, while Byleth gives him a curious look. “Claude, Byleth. What do you think about coming with me to face Aelfric together?”</p><p> </p><p>The travel time from the university campus to their destination is four and a half hours. On the morning of their little road trip, Yuri’s a nervous wreck, palms sweating and nails just begging to be bitten, but he keeps himself busy by pacing back and forth in the parking lot while Byleth and Claude load the backseat with the necessary supplies. (The only reason Yuri isn’t helping is because he’s almost entirely sure a glass bottle is going to slip out of his damp hands and shatter on the ground.)</p><p>“Okay, be honest with me. Do you really think it’ll work?” Yuri asks, once they’ve strapped in the car, Byleth driving, Yuri in the passenger seat, and Claude relocated to the back.</p><p>Claude rolls his eyes. “Yuri, you’ve asked us that, like, a <em>hundred</em> times by now. Trust me, any plan that involves me <em>never</em> fails.”</p><p>Byleth frowns as he turns on the ignition. “But what about that time with Dimitri, when—”</p><p>“By.”</p><p>“And once with Edelgard, when you—”</p><p>“<em>By.</em>”</p><p>“I’m right,” Byleth says, his tone matter-of-fact.</p><p>Yuri can’t help but grin a little at that, and the tension in his shoulders eases just slightly. He has no idea if this plan of his will really work—there are too many unknown variables, too many uncontrollable factors, and the only things he can really trust here and now are Byleth and Claude, both of whom he’s never worked with on something as serious as this before. Still, he doesn’t have a choice; they’d agreed to help him despite the danger, and he knows he owes them for that. The least he can do now is trust them with their part of the plan.</p><p>The four hours pass quickly, to Yuri’s relief—Claude spends most of it leaning over the handbrake to fiddle endlessly with the radio, switching between stations after every song, and Byleth hums along (terribly) to each one. Eventually they get off the highway and into the city, and by then Yuri’s not sure if the car’s just naturally shaky or if it’s because he can’t stop bouncing his knee. “Where was the place you mentioned again, Yuri?” Byleth asks.</p><p>“Over there.” Yuri swallows. His nerves feel like they’re ready to chew him into pieces. “We can use that as our base for the rest of the day until midnight. There should be enough space to park.”</p><p>The safe house Yuri directs them to is actually where Balthus used to live before he transferred to live on campus instead. It’s a shabby place, but they’ve used it a few times before when they needed somewhere closer to plan out their missions, so it’s at the very least habitable. Yuri picks the lock open—they’d thrown the key away a long time ago—and opens the door for Claude and Byleth, whose arms are once again loaded down with the materials they need for the day.</p><p>“This is gonna take some time to set up and make sure it’ll go as planned,” Claude tells them, snapping his safety goggles over his eyes and lifting one of his many test tubes up to the light. “You two take care of the other preparations. Oh, and if you’re getting food, I’m craving meat skewers!”</p><p>“Let’s get him something sweet instead,” Yuri says as soon as he closes the door behind him. He has to stretch his endurance to the limits later today, but that’s nothing new. “Claude hates sweets, right?”</p><p>Byleth shrugs. “He hates sweet buns, so maybe.”</p><p>“Perfect, I know a place for sweet buns nearby.”</p><p>It’s around noon, and sweet buns probably aren’t very healthy when Yuri hasn’t eaten in almost 24 hours, but he stuffs them in his mouth anyway. Byleth eats at a more sedate pace, looking lost in thought the whole while. “Why did you think I did something?” he suddenly asks, when Yuri starts slowing down a little. “When Aelfric betrayed you.”</p><p>“Why?” Yuri frowns, taking a swig of water from his glass. “Well, anyone in my place would assume the same, I think. I didn’t ask for a bodyguard, but Aelfric insisted, and then he even picked a specific person out for me already. It was just pretty suspicious. I mean, imagine if it happened to you.”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“Yeah, like if <em>I</em> were your bodyguard and my employer stabbed you in the back.”</p><p>Byleth sighs, resting his chin on the edge of his palm. “I don’t know,” he says. Yuri’s ready to go off on another tangent explaining that, and also probably to scold Byleth for being way too trusting, but then he adds, “I like you, so I probably wouldn’t even think you and Aelfric were allies.”</p><p>Yuri chokes on his water. “<em>Huh?</em>”</p><p>“Did I say something wrong?” Byleth munches on his sweet bun. “My previous clients never gave me milk money before. Or shared their lunch with me. Or stayed up playing video games with me. So of course I like you.”</p><p>Judging by how casually he says it, it’s obvious he doesn’t mean it in <em>that</em> way. Yuri’s not sure whether the sigh he lets out is one of relief or disappointment. “I mean, come on, that’s just… normal, right?” For friends, anyway. But are he and Byleth friends? He has no idea. It’s true he gave Byleth money for his milk every week, but it’s just one milk carton. And, yeah, maybe he does share his lunch with the other guy sometimes, but it’s usually because Byleth never eats otherwise. And, okay, so <em>maybe</em> Yuri had just gotten excited when he realized Byleth had never seen a Nintendo Switch before and they might have stayed up all night playing the new strategy game that came out recently, but… well…</p><p>Oh. Yuri’s an idiot. He’s definitely given Byleth the wrong idea. “Um… Byleth,” he says, slowly, “I don’t know, but…”</p><p>Byleth blinks. “Yes?”</p><p>Yuri can’t have <em>friends;</em> Yuri can only have the other Ashen Wolves, and nothing more. Look what happened with Aelfric, after all. Making Byleth think they’re friends, or that they’re more than just temporary allies for as long as this mission lasts, is just going to be troublesome in the long run. But the thought of telling Byleth all this now has Yuri’s chest twisting in guilt. Maybe… Maybe he can just tell him this later? Yeah, that sounds right. After they get Balthus, Constance, and Hapi back, and after Yuri gives Aelfric a good kick in the gut, then he’ll sort things out with Byleth.</p><p>“Never mind.” Yuri hands him a sweet bun. “Here, I know you’re hungry.”</p><p>The rest of the day is spent in a blur preparing everything they need for later tonight. Finally, the time comes—as Yuri had suspected, Aelfric really has allied himself with the gang using that storeroom for their headquarters, and he watches from behind a building as they gather on the front steps together to eat the dinner they ordered for take-out. Claude and Byleth are in position, so it shouldn’t be too long now. Everything will go according to plan, just as soon as Yuri stops bouncing his Goddamn knee.</p><p>Yuri takes a deep breath, exhales, and waits for the gang members to finish their food (it doesn’t take long—even from here Yuri can smell the very tempting aroma of fried chicken) before stepping out from his hiding spot. “Hey there,” he greets, giving them a little wave. The light from the street lamps catches on his wristwatch—fifteen minutes to midnight. “Were you all waiting for me?”</p><p>Even for him, there are way too many of these guys to take on by himself, and they’re all way taller and bigger than him, too. The leader of the gang grunts something Yuri doesn’t bother to understand, then gestures into the storeroom building. Yuri plasters on his best, shiniest smile and sashays his way in. It doesn’t work as well he wanted, because he still has to drag two heavy bags of cash behind him, but whatever.</p><p>Aelfric is waiting in the back, as Yuri had expected, and so are the Ashen Wolves. They’re awake, thankfully, and they look uninjured, although Hapi is half-heartedly trying to gnaw on Aelfric’s leg when Yuri walks in. “Boss!” Balthus shouts, snapping Constance awake and Hapi to attention. “You’re here!? No, you gotta get out!”</p><p>Yuri shoots him a testy smile, then turns to face Aelfric. “Hey, man of the hour,” Yuri says, as way of greeting. Aelfric has the gall to look <em>amused.</em> “Alright, let’s get straight to the point here. Untie my friends and let them get out of here first before I uphold my end of the deal.”</p><p>Here come the uncertain factors: Will Aelfric agree? If so, will he immediately bring Yuri to a secondary location, like his workplace for all this demonology stuff? If he doesn’t agree, what’s stopping him from getting the money, holding <em>Yuri</em> hostage, and then forcing the rest of the Wolves to work under him as well? Yuri used to think Aelfric was fairly predictable, but even if he can’t figure out what he may be thinking right now. He hadn’t had a choice when formulating the plan, though; he just has to hope for the best, and that he isn’t making a big mistake with this gamble.</p><p>Thankfully enough, Aelfric smiles and says, “Of course. I understand how much your friends mean to you, Yuri.” He nods at the gang members gathered around them in the room and says, “Go ahead.”</p><p>They give both him and Yuri suspicious looks, but move in to untie the ropes around Balthus, Constance, and Hapi’s arms and legs. “Finally!” Constance hisses, immediately socking the gang member closest to her with a mean right hook. Has she been practicing in secret or something? Yuri can’t remember the last time she could even make a fist. “Do you have any idea how <em>sore</em> I was? This is absolutely no way to treat a lady!”</p><p>“Calm down, you three,” Yuri warns, before Balthus and Hapi can get in the action too. They look disappointed, but it’s for the best. “Just get out of here as fast as you can. We’ll meet up again later, understand?”</p><p>“But, boss—”</p><p>“<em>Understand?</em>”</p><p>Balthus winces. “Alright, fine. We’ll see you later. Let’s go.”</p><p>“Can’t I punch one of them, just <em>one</em> of them,” Hapi grumbles, but she, Constance, and Balthus make their way out of the storeroom without more fuss. The gang members shut the door as soon as they exit, leaving just Yuri alone in a room full of opponents. He does a quick headcount—there are probably at least twenty gang members in here, along with Aelfric himself, although he isn’t much of a fighter, that much Yuri is sure of.</p><p>He checks his watch: exactly midnight. Now it’s all up to whether or not Claude’s got the bite to match his bark. “Well, what are you waiting for?” Yuri taunts, dropping the bags he was carrying in either hand. “Come and get me, Aelfric.”</p><p>Aelfric frowns—he’s definitely hesitating because of Yuri’s confidence. <em>Good.</em> “Boys, do you mind checking what’s in there for me?”</p><p>More grunts of affirmation—are these guys goblins and trolls in disguise or something?—before two men trudge forward to check the bags…</p><p>…or they <em>try</em> to, anyway, because one of them groans and staggers dangerously halfway through, and the other one crumples to his knees with a pained gasp. They aren’t the only ones either—one by one the other gang members follow suit until all of them are on their knees, some hunching over as if trying to throw up. Yuri doesn’t bother tamping down his grin, especially when he sees Aelfric’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. “Y-You!” he shouts, pointing a finger at Yuri. “What have you done?”</p><p>“Oh, you know.” Yuri shrugs, lifting his arms for some sweet exaggeration, then whirls around and hightails it out of the room. “Sike, motherfucker!” he shouts over his shoulder. “Catch me yourself if you want me so bad!”</p><p>“Wh—what are you all doing? After him!” he can hear Aelfric ordering, but all he gets in response are more pained noises, and then Yuri can’t hear much at all because he’s veering through the corridors, trying to remember which exit they had decided on.</p><p>He skids to a stop when he nearly runs into a trio of gang members on patrol, all of them looking fine. Damn it, they’d probably had an earlier dinner, like smart people. “Hehe… hey there,” Yuri says, hurriedly backing up. If he runs, he can probably make it, but what if he gets trapped between this group and another one nearby? “Uh… nice weather tonight, huh?”</p><p>Yuri whips out his knife, ready to cut open some throats, but quickly realizes he doesn’t have to when the men barely get to take one step towards him before falling face-first on the floor, probably hard enough to crack their noses. From behind them, Byleth steps out into the dim light, wielding a huge, bent metal pipe in both hands. “I’m not too late, am I?” he asks, sounding way too worried considering Yuri doesn’t have a scratch on him. “Are you hurt anywhere, Yuri?”</p><p>He says Yuri’s name so <em>sweetly.</em> It’s absolutely infuriating. “I’m fine,” Yuri says, the brusque tone he was aiming for sounding closer to embarrassed instead. “Thanks for the assist. Let’s get going to the exit—”</p><p>“Oh, um, about that.” Byleth winces. “It’s barricaded—they closed it down, you know, with those big metal shutters. I can’t figure out how to open them.”</p><p>Shit. Yuri should’ve accounted for this and made different escape plans depending on the situation, but there just hadn’t been enough time to address this along with all the other variables he’d had to consider. “Okay, no big deal,” Yuri says, more to convince himself than anything. “Do you know which exits are still open?”</p><p>Byleth nods. “The main entrance, the one you entered in.”</p><p>“Bit too obvious for my tastes, but alright. Let’s go!”</p><p>Yuri wishes it were as easy as simply retracing their steps back to the main entrance, but it very unfortunately isn’t—there are still plenty of gang members around who aren’t hunched over and shitting their pants to kingdom come, and considering the exit they’re gunning for leads to one big corridor, it’s no use trying to shake them off or hide somewhere. Byleth fends the closest ones off as best as he can, swinging the metal pipe wildly around and knocking several people’s teeth off, but it’s not enough—by the time they’ve reached the exit, there are already other members guarding it, blocking their one last hope.</p><p>“Well, fuck,” Yuri says, eloquently. His heart is beating in his ears, louder than anything else the men behind and in front of them are shouting. “Byleth, I think we’re going to die here.”</p><p>“We…” Byleth swallows. “No, we aren’t. It’s not over yet.”</p><p>“It kind of is.” Yuri takes a deep breath again, turning to face Byleth only to realize Byleth’s already, well, facing him. Their faces are closer than Yuri remembers them being, and it takes his mind a moment to catch up to the situation. “Byleth, I…”</p><p>Byleth blinks. “What?”</p><p>“I have something—I have to tell you something,” Yuri says, desperation creeping into his voice. He’s not usually like this, he’s <em>never</em> usually like this, but then he should’ve known this was coming when he’d first settled down in bed together with Byleth to play video games all night and woke up with their heads resting atop one another’s.</p><p>“You don’t have to say it.”</p><p>Yuri gapes. “What?”</p><p>“You don’t have to say it. I already know.” Byleth swallows. “And I feel the same.”</p><p>He does? <em>He does?</em> So he <em>did</em> mean it that way after all, earlier during their sweet buns feast, Yuri realizes, like a complete idiot. “Okay,” Yuri breathes, “okay.”</p><p>There are still gang members rushing them from both ends. Yuri’s probably never going to get a chance like this again. He grabs Byleth by the collar of his shirt and yanks him down for the hardest, bloodiest kiss Yuri’s ever had in his life.</p><p>It lasts for all of one second, which might be the most blissful one second in all of Yuri’s twenty-something years, when Byleth makes a shocked noise of protest and Yuri hurriedly lets go of him. “What? What? Did it hurt too much?” Yuri frets. This really isn’t the time nor place to care about that right now, but maybe he’s grown soft without realizing it.</p><p>“What—What—What was that?” Byleth squeaks out, pressing two fingers to his lips like some kind of blushing virgin.</p><p>
  <em>…Unless?</em>
</p><p>“<em>You said you knew!</em>” Yuri shrieks, grabbing Byleth by the shoulders this time to shake him back and forth. He dimly registers the two groups of gang members pausing in their rush to watch in what looks like mild confusion and entertainment, which is just the icing on the cake of embarrassment.</p><p>“I-I thought you were going to say ‘I don’t want to die!’” Byleth exclaims, his whole face now completely aflame. “Yuri, that—that was—”</p><p>“Oh, God.” Yuri lets go of him. Byleth stumbles back and bumps his head against a wall. “Oh, God. Just kill me. Just let me die already.” He walks up to the nearest gang member and guides the hand holding a baseball bat up to position above his head. “I’ve had it. God, I’m coming up—”</p><p>Of course, God doesn’t give him the privilege of dying. A giant delivery truck comes crashing through the entrance instead, bowling over the gang members that had been standing there and opening up the entrance a <em>lot</em> more than necessary. “<em>Whooo-hoo!</em>” a terribly familiar voice shouts from the driver’s seat. “By, Yuri! The hell are you two just doing there? Get in, let’s get out of this place!”</p><p>Yuri is too shocked to move an inch, but thankfully Byleth kicks away the gang member Yuri’s still holding onto, throws him over his back like a sack of potatoes, and sprints over to the passenger seat. He barely manages to shut the door before Claude, still dressed in his stolen restaurant delivery clothes, pulls out of his DIY driveway, does the most sickening u-turn Yuri’s ever experienced, and zooms off into the road.</p><p>Finally he manages to pull himself together long enough to speak. “What the hell was that? What are you—<em>urgh!</em>” Yuri slaps a hand over his mouth when Claude suddenly turns down a corner. “Oh, God, who the hell taught you how to drive!”</p><p>Claude grins. “Bold of you to assume I ever <em>learned,</em> Yuri!”</p><p>Yuri is going to die here.</p><p> </p><p>Yuri unfortunately does not die.</p><p>They do end up getting chased by the police, but after years of practice, it’s nothing compared to everything else they just went through. After losing the sirens, they exchange the delivery truck for Byleth’s more sensible, less illegal car, although that means the three Wolves and Claude have to squeeze together in the backseat while Byleth drives, a welcome reprieve from Claude’s torture session. Yuri suspects he’ll be having nightmares about that for at least a week from now.</p><p>“You didn’t kill Aelfric?” Hapi sounds disappointed. “He’s going to come back for you, you know. I doubt he’ll just give up after all the trouble he went to, and you didn’t even give him any of the money.”</p><p>“Smart move,” Constance approves. “Actually, everything about that plan was brilliant! I must say, how did you ever come up with it?”</p><p>“Er, well…” Yuri sighs. He just wants to take a nap before they get back to campus, but he supposes he owes them an explanation of the plan, and he’s always liked bragging about successful missions anyway. “We needed a way to incapacitate as many of those gang members as possible, so Claude whipped up this poison of his—”</p><p>“<em>Not</em> poison,” Claude interjects. “Just my specially-modified, fast-acting laxatives.”</p><p>“So, poison,” Yuri says. “I went undercover to spread rumors about a rival gang threatening to encroach on their territory so that some of them would be too busy looking for this imaginary enemy to eat dinner, and then they’d probably get takeout, which Claude hijacked. And, uh… that’s pretty much it. I <em>was</em> willing to give him money at first, just to get him off my back,” Yuri adds, “but… someone convinced me the plan would work well enough that I wouldn’t need to.”</p><p>He doesn’t look at Byleth when he says this—he doesn’t want to risk eye contact, even just the shortest of seconds, because then he’s not sure how either of them are going to react.</p><p>Predictably enough, Balthus doesn’t give two shits about the obvious tension. “So that ‘someone’ is probably Byleth, right? Hah! I knew you and Aelfric weren’t working together!” He leans forward to smack Byleth’s shoulder, and they nearly swerve off the road completely. “Whoops, sorry. That hurt?”</p><p>Byleth winces. “N-No. I’m fine. I’m just happy to have helped.”</p><p>Yuri clears his throat. “Yeah, well… anyway, the whole crashing-into-the-storeroom thing wasn’t part of the plan, but I’m glad you guys thought of it. Though it was probably just Claude.”</p><p>Claude gives him a very satisfied smile. “What can I say? I’ve never been behind a truck before, I wanted to see just how much damage it could do.”</p><p>“And if you ran us over along with the rest of those guys back there?”</p><p>“Well, I’ve been told I’m great at giving speeches at wakes, so at least you would’ve had that.”</p><p>They make it back to campus at five in the morning, roughed up and worse for wear but all alive and intact. Yuri crashes into bed as soon as he finishes his shower—Balthus is already snoring away, and for once Yuri doesn’t mind the noise. It had been awfully quiet the past few nights without him, after all, and Balthus’ snores are the least of Yuri’s problems right now anyway. What he’s really worried about is… well…</p><p>A knock on the door. Yuri hopes this isn’t who he thinks it is, and gets his hopes crushed and stomped on when he opens the door to Byleth’s uncertain face. “Can we talk?” he whispers.</p><p>Yuri opens the door the rest of the way. “Talk all you like. Balthus sleeps through anything.”</p><p>They sit on Yuri’s bed together, almost like old times, and Yuri wishes he could just grab the Nintendo Switch, just let everything be alright and pretend nothing had happened earlier, but he can’t. Byleth fidgets for a long few moments before finally speaking. “I should apologize.”</p><p>“No, that’s my line,” Yuri says, aghast. “Hell would you be apologizing for?”</p><p>“Um, well… that was kind of a terrible first kiss for us.”</p><p>“What…” Yuri stares. Something in his brain short-circuits. “What are you talking about.”</p><p>“I-I was surprised, and… I wasn’t expecting it at all,” Byleth stammers. He doesn’t seem capable of meeting Yuri’s eyes. “I probably should’ve picked up on it, but I’ve been told I’m not the best at social cues… um, anyway… I do like you, Yuri,” he mumbles, finally looking up to look at his face, albeit staring at a fixed spot on Yuri’s cheek rather than in his eyes. “I thought you weren’t interested when you didn’t say anything at the restaurant, so…”</p><p>“Oh, God.” Yuri shakes his head, placing his hand atop one of Byleth’s. “Byleth, I… I’m sorry too, okay? I didn’t know you didn’t, uh, get me when, back in the storeroom… y-yeah, so I kind of messed up there too. I should’ve made it more obvious. But…” He coughs, waving a hand in the space between them. “Can we just agree it doesn’t matter anymore? We both like each other and we just had a shitty first kiss, so let’s forget about that and make a new one.”</p><p>Byleth blinks at him, confused, and—why had Yuri never noticed how pretty those blue eyes of his are before? “Make a new one? Like… kiss again?” A small, soft smile spreads across his face, and he leans closer to Yuri, twining their fingers together. “I’d like that.”</p><p>“Yeah, you would, wouldn’t you,” Yuri grumbles, but his free hand moves up to cup Byleth’s face anyway as he closes the distance between them.</p><p>Aelfric may have thought he’d had Yuri cornered for a while there, but Yuri’s always been able to get out of sticky situations with the right deck—and Aelfric definitely hadn’t expected Byleth to be Yuri’s trump card.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the laxative part was from the kdrama <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fiery_Priest">the fiery priest</a>, except they executed it way, WAY better than i did in this fic. it's on netflix!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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